Dear Julie,
Welcome to the Meaningful Leadership newsletter series. |
Making A Promise
"When [Mrs. Mallard and her baby ducklings] reached the pond and swam across to the little island, there was Mr. Mallard waiting for them, just as he had promised."
-Make Way for Ducklings
by Robert McCloskey
To make a promise is a profound act. Within each promise lies the possibility and vulnerability of trust, and the hope of a desire fulfilled. Therein also lies a key to our leadership challenge: to be responsible for our promises, to become skillful at negotiating and re-negotiating them, and to manage our reactions.
We swim in a sea of promises every day. Promises make and break reputations. They power businesses and organizations. Intrinsic to their nature are trust and hope, precious resources that, when squandered, cost us dearly.
So how do we manage this precious resource? How do we relate to our daily promises in ways that inform and strengthen our integrity, our trustworthiness, and consequently, our relationships?
The first thing to know is that integrity is not about keeping all of our promises all the time. It's about what we say and do and how we BE when we break our promises.
How do you BE when you break a promise? Do you get defensive? Do you hide out? Do you blame someone else? Do you apologize?
Things change. Life alters our path and we need to re-align our promises to match current reality. That said, HOW we go about the re-alignment process is the key to maintaining trust in relationship and being in integrity with ourselves.
Let's try this somatically. Take a moment: Think about Mr. Mallard and the baby ducklings in the quote above. What gets evoked in you?
For me I think, "Nice, a father who keeps his promises." I notice I feel a sense of relaxation. My heart opens. I think, " Ahh that is so great."
Read the sentence again maybe even out loud.
What do you notice in your body? What is your automatic narrative that pops up when you hear that Mr. Mallard kept his promise to be there when he said he would be?
Noticing your reactions will offer a direct inlet to your own relationship with promises. When you observe the feelings evoked in the middle of promises made and broken, you can begin to sense where you feel solid about your word, or whether you need to re-negotiate your promise to fit new circumstances. You will recognize the impact of broken promises others have made you, and be able to discern how to best to manage your reactions.
Sink into your body as you read the following questions, and observe your relationship to promises:
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What does the word "promise" evoke for you? Are you cynical about them?Are you trusting?
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What is a promise?
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Which promises do you make that you know you won't keep?
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What are your reasons for not keeping them?
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From whom do accept promises when you know they won't be kept?
...Which promises are they? What is the impact on you?
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What promises are you currently living in that you are now breaking?
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What promises do you need to revoke or re-negotiate to get back into integrity with yourself and the person you promised?
I encourage you to take a look at how you manage this important domain. Becoming masterful at doing so will dramatically improve your effectiveness, solidify your relationships, and deepen your honor and dignity.
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