Metta is a Pali (the language the Buddha spoke) word that most teachers translate to English as Loving-Kindness. In Sharon Salzberg’s book of the same name, she translates it is as “gentle friendliness.”[1] While on retreat last month I was taught metta for the first time.

Do I really need a love practice?

In the beginning metta felt like a complicated to do list:

First I had to learn four or five wishes or blessings (depending on the teacher), then I had to say these blessings:

  • first to myself
  • then to my benefactor
  • then to my friends and/or family members as a group
  • then to a neutral person
  • then to an enemy
  • and finally we were to bless all beings

During my metta lessons, all I could think about was why these words, why in this order. What is neutral? No I am not going to bless my enemy and then finally really who or what are all beings? My monkey mind had me jumping from thought to thought while I recited the blessings- it felt complicated, forced and inauthentic.

Luckily circumstance intervened. First, let’s face it I was on a six-day silent retreat with no music, media, reading, journaling or talking; frankly metta, no matter how forced or complicated was actually something to do while I was sitting on the cushion, so I continued the practice throughout the week. Secondly, I had an opportunity to meet with Sharon Salzberg one of the founders of IMS in a one-on-one appointment. Now I know she is world renowned about her work with metta. However, at our meeting I had no idea this was her specialty and I told her my feelings about the practice. She heard me and essentially said in the very gentle way a master speaks to a novice: I understand how you could feel that way and give it time. I promise you will see changes in your life. They won’t be grand but you will see a shift.

As I walked away, I had to admit to myself that even in the few days I had started the practice, with all of my grumpiness, my heart was opening.

Inquiry:

  • Can I start a love practice today?
  • Am I willing to send love to the people who have made an impact in my life?
  • Can I embrace something new today regardless of my feelings about it?
  • How well can I love myself today?

More next week on integrating Loving-Kindness and Sufficiency

[1] Salzberg, S. Loving-Kindness: The Revolutionary Art of Happiness. Shambhala: Boston & London, 2002.