I got married 17 years 2 months and 3 days ago today. If you had been there you would not have seen anything unusual from a typical American wedding: a church, officiants, a white dress, tuxedoes, brides maids followed by a great party if I do say so myself.
On that day we also exchanged a vow.
A declaration.
A commitment.
A list of things we would and would not do for the rest or our lives.
Ours was:
On this day we unite two families and begin a new life of growing together. I will love you, honor you and cherish you with all the depth of my heart. I will be faithful to you and truthful with you. In good times and bad times, in sickness and in health I will care for you. I take this vow of friendship, love and commitment with seriousness and gladness. I will work with you to make the world a better place. I will hold our love above all others as sacred in the eyes of God. It is my honor to share my life with you now and forever.
My engagement, like many, was a time of hustling, organizing and the doing of planning for the big event. I remember spending a lot of time on limos, bands, food tasting and ring selection. We went into Manhattan (from Boston) to select our rings. I remember how important I thought our wedding rings were and how carefully we selected them and how much thought and attention we paid to the physical representation of our union.
This past Saturday I got a call from the jewelry story where I had dropped of my wedding band. After some chit chat the clerk said, “It can’t be fixed.” Earlier in the week my mom and I had stopped at the inviting store to shop and take our minds off of my sister who was sick in the hospital. I saw how shiny and new the rings were and looked down to see my set wasn’t like it was when we got married. The clerk took my rings to clean and noticed a defect in my wedding band. After she saw it through the loop we could see it with the naked eye. Why hadn’t I noticed until then? She said she had never seen such a defect before – It could have been there from the beginning, an issue with the original casting from long ago that is only now appearing after long use.
My wedding band cannot be fixed.
When I got married and I said, “I do” to live and be with my husband, “now and forever.” I think I assumed the ring would come along for the ride, that it was the symbol of our commitment. Now after the ups and downs, ins and outs and the raising of children inside this marriage, I realize it was my declaration, my commitment that was and is the lasting symbol of our relationship. The material accoutrements are fine but they don’t make my marriage.
I believe it is the same for sufficiency. There is nothing to buy, to wear, to own or manifest. All there is to do is to declare: I am enough, I am sufficient.