Inside of the practice of accepting I am enough, I am drawn to experimenting with ways to stay present, even when I am uncomfortable. I am very uncomfortable right now about the Penn State affair and appreciated reading a post Brene Brown wrote about it. She is a researcher on shame and discusses the systemic culture of shame that exists in order to produce such a tragedy of abuse. After reading her post, I thought, we, too – we who were not directly abused by the coach and that particular system – must not become victims either. Victims of this news, of this devastating information. Every time I tune into the story, hear the words used to describe what happened, see the face of the perpetrator, the faces of the players and coaches, the candles lit in healing, the trustees taking press conferences … I feel such an overwhelm of feeling, I could easily become a victim myself.
One of the ways I am allowing the information to flow through – not to ignore the story through blocking it out, or getting enmeshed and devastated by it – is to integrate it through inquiry. Here are some questions I am looking into right now:
- In what ways am I not telling the truth about something difficult to the people in my family, my organization, my community?
- Where am I being silent? Where can I speak up about my own needs, or the needs of others?
- Where, if anywhere, am I withholding information that might be difficult to hear, but important for the group?
- Is there anyone I am protecting out of fear?
- Are there any ways I am projecting my own discomforts onto people around me? E.g. could I be more gentle to my children and husband when I feel tired or stressed out? More thoughtful to my colleagues?
- Where am I out of integrity in any part of my life?