Then I saw it. That is how it all works. I have to have one of everything and you have to have one of everything because we don’t have a clear social contract about the norms. Or I guess you could say the social contract we do have is about each person for him/herself so I am going against that contract by even making such a request. I could see the whole territory I have to traverse just to borrow one tool, one lousy tool. And I could see how I would rather have my own tool than confront this relatively simple set of transactions. So how then will I get the courage to have conversations about matters much closer to the heart? How will I get the courage up to break down some much larger barrier erected by this culture of separation? How will I find what I need to re-weave that social fabric so my sharing with my neighbor is more relevant than all of the noise I find in the context of separation?
We have great neighbors. They are friendly and warm. In fact my daughter is eating over there right now as I write this entry. One of the great things about my neighbor is his knowledge about compost. Ok stay with me here this really is a blog about sufficiency and social fabric, I swear it. I am a beginning and very inspired gardener whose compost smells. So, my neighbor brought over this tool for turning the compost and told me if I do turn it every few days as well as mix my food scraps with leaves all will be well. His compost turner is very cool and he told me I could borrow it. I asked, bravely, if he meant just once or could I borrow it as needed. He said, “As needed.”
Great.
Ok so now comes the snag.
I feel awkward. I have these silly thoughts like “Did he mean it?” Did he just say yes because I asked and he felt pushed into it?” Would he regret it if I used it too much? “How much is too much and how would I know?” So I began looking on line for compost turners thinking that if it were cheap enough I could just avoid all of those feelings, all of the potential discomfort if I did overstep my bounds or offend him or irritate him and just get MY OWN.
Then I saw it. That is how it all works. I have to have one of everything and you have to have one of everything because we don’t have a clear social contract about the norms. Or I guess you could say the social contract we do have is about each person for him/herself so I am going against that contract by even making such a request. I could see the whole territory I have to traverse just to borrow one tool, one lousy tool. And I could see how I would rather have my own tool than confront this relatively simple set of transactions. So how then will I get the courage to have conversations about matters much closer to the heart? How will I get the courage up to break down some much larger barrier erected by this culture of separation? How will I find what I need to re-weave that social fabric so my sharing with my neighbor is more relevant than all of the noise I find in the context of separation? Before I simply moved to co-housing, to a culture where there was a different social contract. So do I only interact with others I know are like me, who share this desire to break down the walls? Or do I find the strength to invite my neighbors to join me? Find out if maybe they crave something different too? Find out if they wish to break down a few barriers of their own? I have not bought my own compost turner yet and I have not walked over to my neighbors yard to borrow his either. My compost smells again and I am a bit stuck between contexts.