We have great neighbors.  They are friendly and warm. In fact my daughter is eating over there right now as I write this entry.  One of the great things about my neighbor is his knowledge about compost.  Ok stay with me here this really is a blog about sufficiency and social fabric, I swear it. I am a beginning and very inspired gardener whose compost smells. So, my neighbor brought over this tool for turning the compost and told me if I do turn it every few days as well as mix my food scraps with leaves all will be well.  His compost turner is very cool and he told me I could borrow it.  I asked, bravely, if he meant just once or could I borrow it as needed.  He said,  “As needed.”

Great.

Ok so now comes the snag.

I feel awkward.  I have these silly thoughts like “Did he mean it?” Did he just say yes because I asked and he felt pushed into it?”  Would he regret it if I used it too much?  “How much is too much and how would I know?”  So I began looking on line for compost turners thinking that if it were cheap enough I could just avoid all of those feelings, all of the potential discomfort if I did overstep my bounds or offend him or irritate him and just get MY OWN.

Then I saw it. That is how it all works.  I have to have one of everything and you have to have one of everything because we don’t have a clear social contract about the norms.  Or I guess you could say the social contract we do have is about each person for him/herself so I am going against that contract by even making such a request.  I could see the whole territory I have to traverse just to borrow one tool, one lousy tool.  And I could see how I would rather have my own tool than confront this relatively simple set of transactions.  So how then will I get the courage to have conversations about matters much closer to the heart?  How will I get the courage up to break down some much larger barrier erected by this culture of separation?  How will I find what I need to re-weave that social fabric so my sharing with my neighbor is more relevant than all of the noise I find in the context of separation?  Before I simply moved to co-housing, to a culture where there was a different social contract.  So do I only interact with others I know are like me, who share this desire to break down the walls?  Or do I find the strength to invite my neighbors to join me? Find out if maybe they crave something different too? Find out if they wish to break down a few barriers of their own?  I have not bought my own compost turner yet and I have not walked over to my neighbors yard to borrow his either.  My compost smells again and I am a bit stuck between contexts.